


Anniversary

by orphan_account



Category: Gorillaz
Genre: Abuse, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Child Abuse, Child Neglect, Depression, F/M, Oral Sex, Praise, Smoking, Suicide, Suicide (Past), Tobacco use, Vaginal Sex, alcohol use, drinking and driving
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-06
Updated: 2018-10-06
Packaged: 2019-07-27 05:37:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,504
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16212545
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: I wrote this for one of my boyfriends (who is naishuller on Tumblr at the moment) a while ago and have been meaning to post it! So, here I am finally. We always share crack ships and to be honest, the world needs more Paula. That’s just how it is. Why are you booing me? You know I’m right.





	Anniversary

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this for one of my boyfriends (who is naishuller on Tumblr at the moment) a while ago and have been meaning to post it! So, here I am finally. We always share crack ships and to be honest, the world needs more Paula. That’s just how it is. Why are you booing me? You know I’m right.

It had been a while, a good while, but he still remembered the way she clung to him. She did it as though he’d disappear if she loosened her grip even a little. It was sweet in a weird sort of way, and even though she was a cheating bitch at the time, he felt more in love in that moment than he had with any other partners. It had been a while, but he still remembered the way she smelled. He’d had his nose pressed against her neck, hips driving her into the bathroom stall; the combination of her adorations and the lingering scent of cigarettes mingled with sweet perfume was what drove him over the edge. However, he also remembered the stench of copper clogging up his nose and smearing across his face when Russel’s rage smashed bone into an unrecognizable series of mangled shapes. It had been a while, but he still remembered all the times he’d fucked her after that. Each time he swore her eyes were even hazier with bliss than the last, which is what had him coming back for more.

It had been a while since he’d seen Paula, though, and he felt pathetic every time she crossed his mind. She was different in that not only did he fail to forget her, but it was __her__  that had broken it off with __him__. Told him she was tired of causing problems, that she didn’t want to get mixed up in the media, but Murdoc just __knew__  she was probably covering up the real reason. Had he become clingy? Did she want to be more than some bird? Was his dick not big enough?! Instead of trying to figure it out or clean up his latest mess, he’d rather take a trip down the road and restock his booze. Liquor never failed him. It had always been there for him, made it easier to stomach reality. You can’t be sad if you pass out! Does your band hate you and not invite you out to dinner anymore? Drink. Did your somewhat-not-really-girlfriend break up with you? Drink. Are your paranoid delusions and fear of death and loneliness tearing your mind apart? You know what to do.

As Murdoc leaves the dingy little building, he grumbled about how much more expensive alcohol kept getting. Should he have waited to get back to the studio to drink? Yes. Did he? Of course not. He tore the seal off a bottle of cheap whiskey before tipping it back and taking several gulps. It burned terribly, but he barely noticed it over the ferocity of his own self-hatred. After a moment, he took another swig. Then another, and another, until he had completely suffocated his insecurities about being old or turning out like his deadbeat father.

A loud, piercing ring from his cell jerked him back into reality. He jumped a bit, startled, and let out a string of curses as he fumbled for his phone. Murdoc guessed it was one of the other band members. Russel to tell him when they’d be home, Stu to ask if he wanted anything to eat, or maybe Noodle to insult him for eating all her cereal bars. He really, truly didn’t want to put up with any of that and was fully prepared to reject the call, but it wasn’t who he thought at all. On the caller ID read a name he hadn’t seen in his phone in a while.

Paula.

He stared at the screen in shock for a minute before, ready or not, he quickly answered to keep the call from going to voicemail. Before he could even greet her, she interrupted him with loud sobs and stammers. She babbled on about something he couldn’t understand because she was crying too hard, which shocked Murdoc to his core; he’d never seen this side of Paula, not ever.

“Wait wait wait, you’re-- god…” He sighed heavily and considered his options. He could hang up and go home. He could also calm her down over the phone and be done with it.

“You still ‘ave the same address, right?”

“Uh-huh.”

The memory of entering her home was very vivid in his mind. He was, first and foremost, concerned with the fact that her door was unlocked. But that train of thought lasted only a moment before he was being tackled and having the life squeezed out of him. Paula was, unbelievable as it was, sobbing into his shoulder like a baby. Murdoc was frozen in place. He’d never seen her so vulnerable, and it made him soften. For once he didn’t want to fuck or fight her right off the bat.

“Jesus H. Christ…” He muttered, shutting the door behind himself and shuffling her over to the couch. Murdoc pried her off, set her down, and left for the kitchen. God… What was he doing? Getting her water, giving her one of his cigarettes? He wondered if it was worth calming her down. Once he sat down next to her, he placed a smoke between her quivering lips and lit it. As she inhaled and let it fall back out through her nose, he could visibly see her start to relax and then trusted her to hold her own drink. She took a sip after a couple hits and just stared ahead. Murdoc expected her to speak first, but when she didn’t, he gave her a gentle nudge.

“What’s your deal, then?” What could make a woman with such might and confidence act so pitifully? At this point, he was dying to know. Or perhaps just dying to talk to her again. She paused a moment, the two sitting noiselessly before she suddenly broke the silence. Paula was rambling before she knew it. She told him of her childhood and what it was like not only to live in poverty with little food and tattered belongings, but also to lose her mother to illness when she was young. The icing on the cake was what had to be the most traumatic event in Paula’s life, and it took place one evening when she was returning home.

“I… I opened my dad’s bedroom door t-to, you know, to greet him… I had gotten some candies for him, yeah, a-and when I opened the door, he…” As she choked up and tried and compose herself, Murdoc didn’t dare to rush her. Not now.

“...the gun… In h-his hand… He pulled the… And he… I could ta-taste the—” Murdoc let her stop, wrapping his arms around her and holding her close. The way she crumpled in his arms was absolutely heartbreaking and he nearly couldn’t stand it. Never had he imagined anyone could have a life terrible enough to best his! Why didn’t she tell him about—No, he knew why. She didn’t tell him about it for the same reason he never told anyone about his own past: it was humiliating and gut-wrenching to bring old memories back to the forefront of the mind. Not to mention all the worrying that clogged a person’s head wondering if they’d be accepted or mocked for the things they’d been through (assuming the other person even believed them).

“Did he… Was it today, this date?” He asked quietly, the idea having just crossed his mind. He knew he was right, so his heart had already begun to sink into his gut before she even nodded to confirm his suspicions. There was nothing he could possibly say to make her feel better in this moment, and even if there was, Murdoc definitely wasn’t the right person to console her. So he simply put an arm around her and held her closer. She was so miserable, so hapless, and he couldn't stand to see her like this any longer.

“Get up,” he commanded, suddenly standing. “C’mon, we’re not gonna sit around and mope.” Paula looked up at him with big, surprised eyes that made his heart melt.

“Y’heard me? C’mon! Up, up!” She hesitantly rose to her feet and he grinned

“Good. Let’s go!”

“Where…?”

“Anywhere!” He took her hand and led her to the door, walking her right out to his precious Geep.

“Hop in, c’mon, I’ll close it for you… Mind the bottles, love… There you go…” He shut her door behind her and walked around to the other side to clamber into the driver’s seat. As he did so, he flashed her another smile.

“Have a seat, get cozy. You care where we go?” Cracker shook her head and he smirked. She was confused and reluctant to go along with this, but he’d have her smiling by the end of the night.

“Good, good.” He thought for a moment about where he wanted to take her before starting the vehicle and pulling out. On the way, Paula kept looking out the windows to try and figure out where they were headed. Murdoc knew neither of them were classy people, so he took her to a little local restaurant for bar food and alcohol because he’d found that it was hard to be sad with a full belly and buzzed senses. He parked (pretty sloppily) and nearly had to drag her out of the car.

“I’m not in the mood for this, Muds─Come on─I look like a wreck─” He ignored her and kind of chuckled.

“Don’t think anyone in here really cares what you look like, an’ if they do, they can keep it to themselves.” Murdoc got them a booth in the back corner where Paula could feel a bit more secure. After bickering for some time about the bill, he convinced her to let him pay and they both got some bourbon.

“You’re a real git, you know that?” She huffed. “A real stubborn git.” He couldn’t help but smirk and lean in, resting his elbows on the table.

“An’ you’re a whore, a real stubborn whore.” Paula grinned and Murdoc felt an odd warmth in his chest. She had those couple of teeth that would project just slightly over the lower lip and he thought they were just the cutest things on the whole planet.

“Hellooooooooooooo? Earth to Pickle Man?” Cracker waved her hand in front of his face and he snapped out of it.

“Yeah, hey. The waiter’s here. Order your food, dummy.” He rolled his eyes and actually looked at the menu instead of her. They both ordered equally unhealthy and fatty meals, eating and drinking like the gluttonous idiots they were. They gabbed, they laughed, and they made fools of themselves in this damn restaurant until they’d had their fill and were ready to move on.

“Thanks for comin’ to me and all…” She murmured as they left for his car, tempted to hold onto his arm but resisting the urge. As far as she knew, they weren’t like that anymore.

“Thanks? Oh no, we’re not done here,” he replied, getting into the driver’s seat and staring the Geep. He got this childish grin on his face as he pulled out and got back on the road.

“Not done? What else could we do?” They could race to the nearest mall so Murdoc could blow his money on her, that's what. What else would he do with it? Spend a hundred on booze every other night and watch the rest rot? Come on!

“Murdoc…” Paula held a warning tone as she stepped out of the vehicle with him. “What are we doing here?” She asked only because, again, there was the idea that they didn’t belong. Or, more specifically, that __she__  didn’t belong. That she wasn’t good enough. It was an idea that had been drilled into her head by years of insults, cold shoulders, and other actions from several different people in her life. Murdoc was no different; he simply insisted on hiding and burying those kinds of self-depricating thoughts at all costs.

“What else would we be here for?” He walked her inside, a whoosh of air conditioning rushing out at them as they entered. The building was filled with bright lights and shops stuffed with items unique of the others, and certainly unlike anything in the discount or thrift shops the two of them had grown up by.

“Oh yeah? And who’s gonna─”

“I will,” he replied, cutting her off before she could begin worrying about cash. Even with the bill taken care of, it was hard to get her to stop feeling guilty about picking things out. It took some insisting and bickering, but after half an hour, she caved. It only started with a couple of things: some cute jeans, a CD, stuff like that. But the more and more Paula bought (and the more Murdoc hid the receipts), the less she cared about her social status or where the funds were coming from. They were walking back out with dozens of bags hanging from their arms by the time they were ready to leave, and Cracker couldn’t get the smile off of her face as they put all her things in the back. It wasn’t just about the objects; it was about the experience she had picking things out. It was about the laughing and the joking, about all the fun she was having. It was about the time and thought Murdoc was putting in to make her happy.

“I still think you should have gotten those edible panties,” she told him with a snort as she punched Murdoc’s shoulder. “They woulda looked really cute on you.”

“You’re a fucking idiot; get in the car.” The mood shifted between them as they got in the Jeep, neither fastening their seat belts. It was quiet in the way a city gets. Sure, people would pass and they’d be talking or you’d hear a horn or two honk, but it wasn’t nearly as loud as a club or subway station. In their world, nothing could break the silence but their own words.

“I really appreciated this.” Her voice was a murmur, but her hand was a forest fire on his thigh. For a long time he couldn’t breathe enough to get out a single syllable, so he just nodded at first.

“...no problem…” Murdoc tried to start the car, but his hands were shaky and he fumbled with the keys until they dropped into the floorboard. As if it wasn’t bad enough, he slammed his head on the steering wheel while bending down to get the jingly sons-of-bitches. He could hear her giggling as he struggled to pick the keys back up and shove the right one into the ignition. This only served to make his face burn with embarrassment.

“Shut up, shut up─I know what I’m doin’─” Paula wasn’t offended; she just laughed at him. The hand that she had previously rested on his thigh now squeezed.

“I know. It’s okay, you’re fine.” Her reassuring words would come off as patronizing from anyone else, but he liked hearing them from her lips. Soft, comforting. Unlike anything he’d felt in years, if at all. There was a painful pause before Murdoc glanced to the side and finally decided to start the conversation back up with her. Not just any conversation, either.

“I… Know what it feels like.” Paula blinked at him, confused by what he meant by that.

“You what?”

“I know what it feels like.” He hesitated. “You know, to have it rough.” Cracker couldn’t help but to give a quiet snort.

“The only rough thing you got is your breath, honey.” She snickered at her own joke, but Murdoc just looked at her. Ah, fuck, he was serious. She cleared her throat and glanced down.

“...sorry. Go on.” It took him a minute to get anything out, but with time, he told her everything that came to mind. He told her about his mother, about who and where he came from. He told her about his drunken father. Told her about Pinocchio, pick-pocketing, digging around his roach-ridden house for food, being locked in the closet, and running away the second he could survive on his own. Hearing him explain all of this made his pipe dreams seem like less of a selfish fantasy and more like an escape. She didn’t know how long he went on for (probably an hour or more), but she was too focused on him to feel the time shift.

“Murdoc…” Paula didn’t dare speak until she knew he was done, until he hadn’t said anything for several minutes. “I’m so─” He shook his head and stopped her.

“Don’t be.”

“But─”

“It’s not your fault.”

“You─”

“Nope.” Niccals cracked a smile at her, and she couldn’t help but to laugh both at this and at his stubbornness. Once the strain in the car had been relieved, all the sound rushed back in. It was as if his grin brought the whole world back.

“You’re daft.”

“Sounds about right.” He shifted closer to her, and Paula felt as though they were drawn to one another by an unseen, magnetic force. When their lips met, everything made sense. It felt as though the one thing in her life that had been missing was him. He was the reason nothing in life appealed to her anymore. It was Murdoc, always had been. She’d known it the second she saw him: ‘he’s the one for me’.

The longer they were connected, the more frantic she became. She wanted him, craved him. His skin, his voice, his scent, his taste. She wanted their thoughts to be intertwined to the point that words were useless. She wanted them to only exist as a pair, melded so tightly together that no force could separate them. It sound a little psychotic, but luckily for her, Murdoc wanted the same thing. Despite this, he was the one to pull away and pant for air. Oh, yeah. Lungs. They had those.

“Paula─” She shook her head before he could continue, trying to pull him back in and close to throwing hands with the console for putting a gap between them.

“No, I don’t wanna stop. I don’t care about the fights, or the band, or─” He shushed her lightly and nudged her off so he could fasten his seat belt. Seeing this, she slumped down a bit, wondering if he really wouldn’t fuck her─love her─or if something else was going on here.

“You deserve better than to be banged in the backseat a’ some guy’s car in the mall parking lot.” She also deserved better than a greasy bassist with a head full of hot air, but he didn’t say that aloud. Relief spread over Paula’s face and she relaxed in her seat, pulling the strap over her lap before pushing it behind her back.

“It’s a nice mall, you know.” As he pulled out and onto the road, she couldn’t stop smiling at the idiot in the driver’s side. No matter how emotionally disconnected and tough he may try to act, Paula would always be aware of his secret desire to love and be loved.

To think that just a couple hours ago she was sobbing for company over the phone, and now? She was shouting, laughing, and letting her hair blow wildly in the wind while Murdoc raced along some back roads. Cracker was having the time of her life, to be honest, and it was all thanks to the lunatic swerving in the driver’s side. Which, to tell you the truth, was definitely not a good idea. If he didn’t normally function under the influence and wasn’t adjusted to it, Paula would have been sober and behind the wheel. She didn’t give a second thought tonight, though, and found herself back in her complex’s parking lot in what seemed like an instant.

As Niccals practically yanked her back into the apartment, he could no longer keep his hands away from the gorgeous body that was Stuart’s ex. Under her shirt, into the hem of her jeans, and over her hips… Anywhere they could reach, really. He grabbed Paula by the waist and nearly tripped because he wasn’t paying any attention to where he was going. His mouth was latched onto her neck while his eyes were locked on the cleavage he could see down her shirt, so he was way too preoccupied to navigate through the house securely. Murdoc did eventually get her into her bedroom, though, and pushed her back onto the mattress before climbing over her giggling form.

“You nearly fell!” She exclaimed, moving into different positions to make it easier for Murdoc to take off her top and sling it to the side.

“Nearly,” he repeated back with a shit-eating grin before quickly undoing her button and zipper. Once he shuffled her bottoms down off her midsection, it was pretty easy to pull the rest of them right off and make his lover yelp out a surprised laugh.

“Are you going to manhandle me the entire time?”

“Most likely.” Immediately after replying, Murdoc snapped the waistband of her underwear before kneeling in front of the bed and pulling Paula to the foot of it by her ankles. Faster than she could process what he was doing, Niccals pulled the front of her panties down and leaned in to lap at the pearl hidden in the folds of her sex. The way her breath hitched? The way her hips twitched up against his mouth? Both of these things sent chills down his spine and encouraged him to bury his face in. He could soon feel her fingers threading through his hair to push and pull his head about to guide his actions. Murdoc followed obediently, wanting simply to make her feel as euphoric as possible, wanting to make her climax on his tongue.

Niccals only pulled away from her hold when he was ready to dip his head down and press his tongue against her soft entrance. He remembered all the times he did this for her and all the times Paula humped his face as if he was her personal, living sex toy. He was more than fine with this because it gave him the chance to run his tongue along her inner walls and feel them flutter. If you were to ask Murdoc what heaven was, it’d be thumbing Paula’s clit while she whimpered his name and orgasmed against his face. Nothing could compare.

When Murdoc stood up from the floor and leaned to tower over her, Paula scrambled back up on the bed and laid her head on the pillows. She knew that the moment he got between her legs and lined up with her, he’d be going at it and there’d be no easy way to rearrange. That’s why she moved so quickly to get comfortable and ready for him. That and, of course, the fact that she was just as eager as Murdoc was to be connected. To have their skin melt together and their forms blend into one. And, just as Paula predicted, her lover immediately set about pressing into her aching cunt. A visible shudder runs through his body and Niccals releases a gentle groan against the skin of Paula’s collar.

“You’re beautiful,” he coos, and with this he gets his partner’s full attention. “You’re an irreplaceable miracle… And I’m blessed to have you…” Murdoc pants out these words to her as he sets into a rough, carnal pace. There was no need to gradually build up because they were both desperate for the same, animalistic fucking that they’d been lacking since their separation. The difference between those nights and this one was the drive behind his hips. In the past when he railed Paula over a counter or against a bathroom stall, he was fueled by an endless desire to get off. But now… He was spurred by the way she looked at him with big, brown eyes full of trust and admiration. By the way she locked her ankles together at his lower back, pulling him in tight. By the way she cooed little words of encouragement, begging him to keep going until she forgot her real name. The name she had before she later changed it to sound more American and blend in.

The rest of it was a blur. He didn’t have to think about how he moved his hips, how loud they were, or how long they’d been going at it. He wasn’t thinking at all, really; he was just focusing on how it felt. How __she__  felt. He tucked his face into her neck and let every little sound and twitch of hers burn into his memory as she reached additional peaks. Murdoc could have gone on forever, could have lived like this for all eternity, if it weren’t for the fact that his climax was quickly approaching. He sat up out of Paula’s shoulder, a hand on either side of her head to lift and give him leverage as his last thrusts became hard and erratic.

“I love you!” It was a declaration, a shout, a statement. Not a whimper or a mumble, not something that could be mistaken or ignored. It was plain as day and it flew from Niccals' lips as he came and forced their hips together, making eye contact and holding himself in place after riding through his orgasm. He was focused on Paula’s face, and her on his, for a little longer than what was comfortable before the bassist’s eyes flitted away. He shifted so he could pull out of her and flop down beside her onto his back. He stared up at the ceiling for a moment before he lazily gestured to her.

“Don’t… Don’t tell anyone about that.”

“About what?”

“You know, the-the, the uh… Thing I said.”

“You mean l─?”

“Don’t say it out loud! Don’t mention it, alright?”

“Okay okay, fine.” She giggled a little at him and he huffed. But, truly, he couldn’t stay all embarrassed and mad. Not with her. They both laid there like this for a while, just staring and catching their breath, before Murdoc turned onto his side and yanked his lover in close. He put a possessive leg over her and curled an arm around her, scooping her in and holding her tight to his chest. She was content to snuggle in like this for a bit until a sudden fear struck her.

“Muds?” Her voice was shaky, and Niccals could hear the fear hidden under her inquisitive tone. He understood what she was feeling and he could predict what she was going to ask him.

“’M not gonna go anywhere,” he muttered.

“Promise?”

“Mm-hm.” He was already halfway asleep, and Paula smiled at his drowsy, relaxed expression. She kissed the lids of his closed eyes before she tucked her face into his neck and allowed herself to slowly drift off. What would come of this encounter? This night between them? She couldn’t be sure, but she also couldn’t be bothered to care.

**Author's Note:**

> I really hope you enjoyed this and I'm sorry I don't post as often as I should! <3


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